Posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 9:50:23
Too much Too much Too much
First, let me be very clear that helping Dee get into the hospital was a stress for me, but that my issues started long before that. I don't want her to feel responsible in any way for my meltdown. She should remember that I was in bad shape last week - Dee, do you remember Tuesday when I drove you to therapy??
Too many things are happening.
1. Finals week for my daughter - I let her sleep at a friend's house last night. On a school night, before a final. This is the child who doesn't get to school on time (actually, she is more likely to get there from her friend's house without a hassle than she is to get there from my house without a hassle. If she stays at her dad's she won't get there at all...). I made her call me when she got up this morning - and she did. So I do believe that she will get to school. But I feel like a bad mother to WANT her not to be here, and to abdicate responsibility for her getting to school.
1.5 Daughter has an appointment with a therapist on the 29th. She doesn't want to go and I am going to force her. Yes, I know that if she doesn't cooperate that the therapist won't be able to do anything. I'm hoping that she secretly wants some help and will let the help come to her. I'm trying not to think about this until next week.
2. I'm starting to understand just how depressed I am right now.
3. I'm trying to get one of my friends hooked up with another friend because I'm afraid that first friend is heading into a dangerous area (she will be hurt) and I can't keep track of it (both because I don't have the energy and because I can't handle the stress of this particular kind of danger). First friend thinks she is OK - but I want her to contact second friend so *I* don't have to worry about her anymore since I know I can't keep track of it. So regardless of whether she is heading towards a problem or not, I need her to contact second friend to solve *MY* problem.
4. Submitting therapy bills to the insurance company. I have 3 weeks worth of bills and the diagnosis are different. First one is 296.20 (Major Depression, Single episode, unspecified) - this is probably wrong - usually it is 296.30 which is recurrent rather than Single episode - not a big deal. The second one says 300.02 and 296.20. 300.02 is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He has never written anything but 296.30 or 296.30 in the past. I'm not disagreeing with him, but I wish he had said something about it so I wouldn't find out by reading my bills. The third says 296.30. I love consistency.
5. I've seen email in my junk folder recently that looks like a virus. The subject says that there was a mail delivery failure, but it isn't from my email provider. Inside there is a link to follow "if the message doesn't appear". I have deleted these, but haven't gone off to verify that this is a virus. I was IMing with a local friend this morning to let her know that Dee was in the hospital and she asked me a computer question. Her machine started behaving very strangely and she eventually turned it off. I asked her if she had had any email messages returned as undeliverable recently and (though it isn't really clear from her answer) I would guess that she ran into this virus. She is not running virus protection on her machine. She is not very computer savy and relies on Dee (and me, as backup) to take care of her computer issues. I told her I would email her later this afternoon with some information on the virus. The computer is her lifeline into the world. Do any of you know about this virus (is it a virus? can she run a tool to see if it is on her machine if she hasn't installed virus protection? The cost of virus software is prohibitive for her)? I don't have the energy to figure out what she should do.
6. So I'm trying to pay my mortgage and health insurance COBRA bills (that I usually pay on the 15th). I look at the COBRA bill and remember that my COBRA ends in October and I have to figure out what to do then. I MUST maintain health insurance (we'll probably switch to my husbands at that point - it isn't as good as mine which is why we've been using mine up 'till now) or I'll fall into the preexisting condition trap. I want to ask my old company if I can COBRA for longer, but today I don't have the strength to actually call someone I know and ask that. So I call the company that is handling the payments. She says that I'm OK until 05/05, that I started on 11/02, that I'm OK for 36 months. But I was laid off in 05/02 and I thought I was eligible for 29 months. She's confused, too. But she's going to look into it - even though I ask her to just leave the 05/05 end date, that I like that date. I look at this bill and the price has gone up 50% from the last month (from incredibly high to astronomical - but still less than my therapy bill for the month...). She is also confused about this. And says that she'll look into it and get back to me in the next day or two. [but I really, really, really want to know NOW - a little GAD, perhaps??]
7. My car is in the shop so I can't go anywhere. I need to make photocopies of my therapy bills to submit the claim. I should be able to get my car this afternoon (after they also do a 90K checkup for almost $500). I could use the scanner someone gave me recently to make photocopies of the bills, but I haven't really figured out how to get it to print at the right size. I did figure it out eventually a couple of weeks ago, but I don't think I have a lot of frustration tolerance right now. So should I try the scanner, or should I wait to get my car and find a photocopier? Usually I mail the claim on the 15th, so I'm a bit late.
8. I am worried about my dogs. I am giving them no attention and I think THEY are getting depressed. Patches may have a back problem, so I've been supposed to "keep her quiet" (right). I would break her heart if I took Sterling for a walk and left her here. I did that once when my daughter was home to keep her company and she went nuts even with my daughter home. I have a dear friend who walks them with me sometimes (and she gave me a ride back when I dropped my car off), I can't see walking myself (or even talking to her for 30 minutes). I'm almost tempted to call her and see if she wants to take them out WITHOUT me.
It does help to write it all down. I guess I'll pay my mortgage and the old figure on my health insurance (just so I have sent them SOMETHING - I can send the difference later if it really is 50% more).
Trying to breathe,
Falls.
poster:fallsfall
thread:358973
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040619/msgs/358973.html