Posted by rainyday on April 23, 2004, at 9:10:09
So I was at a radiology clinic this morning to have a mammogram. They asked me where my last one was done and the doctor's name so they could get a copy of it. I haven't been able to remember this aside from it was 4 years ago in Massachusetts, and it was normal. Everything else about it - where I had it done, my doctor's name, is lost in the fog of my brain.
That wasn't so bad (everyone forgets things, right?). Well, I started crying and blubbering to the poor tech about how I can't remember anything and couldn't we consider this my baseline, I basically used her whole box of tissues before I got to the exam room.
It is so embarassing to "lose it" in front of strangers. It happens so unexpectedly that I can never anticipate it. I never know if I am going to be Normal or Far From It. Why can't I stop crying?? Is this still my depression speaking?
My T said the tears are always a good thing. But I think they show how weak and vulnerable I still am. Why do such little things tear me apart?
And, to top it off, I am not one of those people who are beautiful when they cry. My nose turns red and snotty, my eyes puff up, even my lips. It takes about 1/2 a day for me to begin to look better.
Whine, whine whine.
poster:rainyday
thread:339112
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040422/msgs/339112.html