Posted by kid47 on April 4, 2004, at 11:53:49
ideas and rationalizations. I believe I have only one surviving brain cell left, and it's on the critical list. I need everything to stop for a bit. I need my children to stop growing up. I need to stop growing old. I need for war and suffering and hunger to take a break. I need for my marriage to cease deteriorating and my heart to stop breaking. Just for a while. Just long enough to take a breath and gain some perspective. I sat down to post something upbeat, but I'm afraid it's just not in me today. I'm a truly sorry if this bums anyone out. That certainly is not my intention. I am not really looking for any support (although you all are the BEST when it comes to that) I just need to spew for a sec than I'll feel a whole lot better, I'm sure.
I've pis*ed away a good portion of my life. I guess I am just taking a look at what I should do now. I have some skills. I am very lucky in that respect. But as I heard from just about every educator or counselor or therp that I have had contact with, I need to realize my potential and use these skills to make myself and others happy. That's a good speech when you are seventeen but at this juncture it doesn't offer me much comfort. I have vowed recently to turn my life around. To get outside myself and began to apprecitae all the wonders around me. To help others who need it and be less self serving. I think I will turn that corner (hopefully) and make up for lost time. Recently I have had a tremendous amount of help in reaching these goals. I guess now it's up to me. I do believe that the trials by fire so many of us have been through do have an upside. I have seen this in the people around here. I think we develop a sensitivity (which can be deadly if you're not careful) to the plight of others. I think we a have a core muscle that in many respects is stronger than"normal" people. We understand suffering and misery. This gives us some exclusive insights....sometimes. I will feel better tomorrow. I will reread this post and probably wonder what in the he!! I was thinking. What I hope will happen is I will get up and go. Go do something kind, generous, giving. Maybe not tomorrow, but I am sorta confident it will happen. See, I feel better already.kid
poster:kid47
thread:332481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040331/msgs/332481.html