Posted by daveyboy on January 9, 2004, at 22:15:26
Thought I'd give this another try so here it goes. I know I'm depressed and have a deep seated hatred for myself because of the way I feel all the time as though I were the most dispicable person on this planet. In fact, I'm not really sure what feelings are or what I want to do. If I had a choice between traveling the world or being locked up at home I'd choose locked up at home. The things I do are done because I have to and out of what other people think about me. I've spent my entire life wishing I could be someone else and making sure people like me. Anyways, where all of this causes a problem is at work whenever I need to do something new (especially new job)with the following symptoms:
severe anxiety (cold/sweaty palms and feet, dissociation, etc.)
unable to concentrate
unable to start/complete large tasks
not sure what I should know and not know (which causes me to not ask for help)
not sure how to interact with someone I don't know on a personal level(I approach everyone as a friend) which causes me to not say anything
I tend to isolate and not do anything outside of work...i've tried to but the desire just isn't there (i.e. i force myself to go places)I have been like this my entire life. I grew up w/ an alcoholic/ragaholic father and coddling/codependent mother and am constantly wondering how to act. I wind up assuming the personality of people I like/admire in a certain situation which turns me into a chameleon. Anyways, what sucks the most is that its work and especially new jobs that cripple me. Anyways, just wondering if anyone out there has some suggestions.
poster:daveyboy
thread:298870
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040109/msgs/298870.html