Posted by Miller on December 14, 2003, at 19:31:29
In reply to Miller, posted by kara lynne on December 14, 2003, at 13:18:25
I have been digging myself into a hole for a very long time now. Has anyone else ever made mistake after mistake until finally there was nothing left? That is what I have done. It is to the point now that I fear I am just about where I was this time last year. If history repeats itself, I will have another stay in a local hospital if I survive. But, it is like one side of me is begging to find a solution while the other side is trying everything it knows how to keep me down.
I can't believe I told my shrink that I no long wanted to correspond. Unfortunately, he took me at my word. Now I don't know how to take it back. There is a huge part of me (pride?) that won;t suck it up and just tell him I need him. I can't just tell him that I am a weak, pathetic creature that needs to be helped. So, I have made it so that I am so alone. Not just alone in the sense that I have to struggle, but alone in the way that is total isolation. I don;t think anyone could survive such isolation. Not when things are so bad inside of my soul.
I am sorry if I am bringing you all down. This is the season, I know, to be thankful for everything we have. And the season to take inventory of our strengths and to surrender ourselves to God for our weaknesses. But I have isolated myself from Him as well.
I feel like you all are the only ones left. And since I have been away for so long, I fear I may have burned this bridge as well.
Thank you all for letting me know that Psycho-everything is still alive and running. It is too bad I didn't follow through with it. I missed out on a really good community.
:( Miller
poster:Miller
thread:289523
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/289823.html