Posted by st@cy on December 13, 2003, at 13:10:30
i tried to post a message before, but i don't think i did it right. This is what i said anyway:
i think i might have APD because my symptoms match that of a person with ADP. You see, since i was fifteen i started having serious problems coping in social situations. I can't focus on conversations bc i'm too busy trying to analyze things in my head and i'm like thinking too much. Then, i feel really dumb bc the person i'm talking to probably thinks i'm really dumb or something, and usually they don't talk to me again, and if they do i have no idea what to say to them so i don't talk. I get so nervous and scared! Another thing that led me to believe that i might have a problem is this: i spend countless hours trying to look perfect because i figure if i can't wow 'em with my personality, i can at least fool them with my looks until they talk to me of course. All the time all i want is to be liked and approved of, but i feel like my personality is deformed somehow. it's like i repell people or something and i know that deep down inside i'm smart and i'm pretty, but i just can't socialize. i avoid going places and doing things bc i won't know how to deal with it. i act all anxious and tense and ppl think it's wierd. another thing that i think might have contributed to the way i am is bc my mom totally rejected me growing up. i was always shy, but when she put me second to her girlfriends or boyfriends and told me all of my feelings were wrong, i think it may have messed me up a little bit. I used to cut myself, i tried to get help and they thought i was depressed, but nothing they did fixed this problem. i never knew how to describe it, i just called it "this thing in my head". i have to deal with it every minute of every day and i long to be socially capable. please tell me what you guys think. am i just crazy or am i experiencing this thing called avoidant personality disorder?
poster:st@cy
thread:289390
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/289390.html