Posted by kara lynne on December 4, 2003, at 18:34:40
In reply to Re: Panic around impulses, posted by sienna on December 4, 2003, at 17:57:33
At the bottom of everything. Today I was fighting that feeling at every turn. Every time a man mentions his wife the rest of the conversation becomes a blur and all I can think is, I'm not a wife, I failed. Every time someone mentions their work all I think is, I'm not working, I'm failing.
I want to believe I have a chance, that I have as much right to do something and be successful as anyone else. But I don't really believe that. What kills me is I could just be doing it.
I tried to make a decision today about something expensive I have to get for work. I went to the store, I spent over an hour comparing, I couldn't do it, I left. Ultimately it doesn't even matter which one I pick, but I let these details wear me down.
I need to start doing things without being so alarmed that I haven't done them yet. I feel so worthless, in the meantime. My life became my ex's worth; his work, his friends, his life. My own is so tiny I can barely see it. If I blink it could disappear.
poster:kara lynne
thread:286413
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031124/msgs/286618.html