Posted by Shandra on November 6, 2003, at 11:00:37
In reply to struggling:need kindness, posted by jmackie on November 1, 2003, at 6:10:27
Michael - so sorry to hear of your current struggles, as one who has been through what you express. To feel like you feel is just a living hell, and it is so important to hear that this is not something you have brought upon yourself. There is help available, and I have found this to be a good place to find that support which you need so badly. Keep in mind - you can post here as long and as much as you need to - I know that my tendency is to make that step to reach out to others, then they are supportive, then I feel like I have to go back into my own little private hell and just wait it out til things get better. You need the support WHILE you are going through this - so please don't just 'let us know how things turn out' - let us be here for you WHILE they are hard! That's what we're here for. No expectations that now that you've heard some kind words that you're all better (or should be) - I think most of us agree that we need those kind words and support on an *on-going* basis!
I absolutely second the notion that you need a new doctor. I have seen many different types of helpers- therapists, a psychiatric nurse practitioner who could prescribe meds, a PhD psychologist, an MD, and two psychiatrists. My own advice is that you find a second opinion, but specifically look for someone who *specializes* in "medication management". My experience tells me that a psychiatrist who is qualified to prescribe, and does prescribe, medications is not at all the same thing as a psychiatrist whose main focus is to get you some relief through careful management of your medications. When you find a 'pdoc' who specializes in meds, you may have a better chance of being with someone who truly understands this is not 'in your head' so to speak - it's in your chemistry! My experience was that all the therapy I had and even medications prescribed to me (by doctors etc who were not primarily focused on psychiatric medication) did not help the root problem. Yes, you'll need to put yourself out there socially. Yes, you'll have challenges that you have to get through. But no, you may not have the strength to do all those things until you have a good combination of medications on board to even help you make those first steps without it being simply excruciating. There are psychiatrists and there are psychiatrists - I dumped my first actual psychiatrist because although he prescribed medication for me, he did not truly focus on the ins and outs of how the meds were effecting me. Let's face it - you're not at a therapeutic dose of a medication if it isn't actually therapeutic to you! Once you've found someone who respects you as an individual instead of condescending to you, when you've got someone who really understands what causes this misery and can help balance your chemistry so you stop feeling horrible 24/7, THEN you will be in a position to start making those forays into social and personal challenges. Analogy - a person with a broken leg is going to have to start getting around on their own, but NOT until x-rays are done, there's a cast properly put in place, and there has been a little recoup time. Go easy on yourself if you can, and find someone who can actually help you rather than making you feel somehow you are to blame.
I hope I am not misreading your post - perhaps you don't feel you are to blame, I just know that this was my overriding feeling - that *I* needed to do better. When I found a good psychiatrist, and *he* started working with *me*, then I started being stronger and feeling better about the prospects of making changes in the way I dealt with the challenges in my life. I just felt better. It's possible. Therapy and behavioral/cognitive/emotive therapy is great, but getting your chemistry at least on the right track has to come first, in my humble opinion.
So.... hang in there, and if you can't believe in yourself right now, believe in this community which seems to be telling you to find a more suitable doctor. Things can get better. Please stay in touch DURING the pain, that's when you need the support.
Sending you hope and kindness and strength in these tough times....
poster:Shandra
thread:275464
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031031/msgs/277148.html