Posted by fallsfall on October 27, 2003, at 22:18:58
In reply to Re: Fist Fights - Long » fallsfall, posted by NikkiT2 on October 27, 2003, at 10:12:27
Yes, Nikki, I do understand your viewpoint. And I honestly don't know how we could do it so that both of us were happy.
I struggle with things like this, because I have always been a black and white person. There is always an answer and always only one correct answer. My life was simpler when I believed that.
I am not good with conflict. In my family growing up if something was wrong, I was told that it was all right. There were no conflicts, so I never learned how to deal with them. I have the same issue with criticism - I guess it is a little different, though. If I were criticized for something that meant that I had done the unthinkable and created a conflict (remember, conflicts are not allowed). So any criticism generates incredible anxiety for me.
I do share your frustration that some posts feel less genuine. What seems to work for me is to see that as a symptom of an illness. I can then avoid the anger (which is a very attractive option to me - I really don't want to do anger), and have more pity instead.
I FULLY UNDERSTAND THAT MY APPROACH WILL NOT WORK FOR EVERY ONE (or even anyone else?). And respect your right to need to do what works for you. It *does* help me, though, to hear your motivations and understand that your actions aren't capricious nor are you unaware of their effect on me.
Hopefully as we all become more aware of the effects of our actions a balance can be reached.
Thank you for your rational and insightful post.
poster:fallsfall
thread:273852
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/274107.html