Posted by Larry Hoover on October 18, 2003, at 11:07:36
In reply to Mini-rant, rambling thoughts, posted by Zarah78 on October 16, 2003, at 11:41:12
> Hello again all.
Hey. Just for the record, the following message contains healthy measures of projection, the potentially inappropriate or erroneous extrapolation of my experiences (and my interpretations of those experiences) onto yours....
> I think I'll go on a mini-posting spree here for a minute. Things are kinda quiet (read: slow) here at work for me right now and certain morons aren't bothering me so.. Why not?
What about the uncertain morons? Are *they* bothering you? <sorry, couldn't help myself>
> I was talking to my mom last night about the prospect of researching medications for my depression/possible BP. She, of course, flipped out on me with her usual rant about how no one on her side of the family has suffered from mental illness or ever had to take medications like that (what bouat her older bro who had some kind of dishonroable discharge from someplace college/military after he moved out?).The "of course" bit suggests this is an established pattern of dialogue. So, is her whole flippin' family in denial? And how did a discussion about you turn into a discussion about her, anyway?
My mom's a martyr. A serious martyr. Everything is about her. She never gets the sympathy she thinks she needs. It wouldn't matter anyway, because sympathy isn't what she really wants from you. She's selfish.
> She went on and on about how she gets depressed too
...like she (and only she) *knows* depression?
> and she knows hers is hormonal from "the change" and she has reasons to be depressed because this and that.. I stopped her there and told her I really *don't* have reasons for my depression and no apparent triggers and then I get the ups that are a little out of control beforehand. Mom talked about how she just lets it be out of control and b***hes at the people that irritate her. I told her that's not even close to the same, tried to explain that I can't stand losing control, but she doesn't understand.
She can't, so why talk to *her* about it? Do you need her approval?
Boundaries are difficult concepts. A boundary is the separation of your shi*, uh, stuff, from her stuff. Why is your stuff blended into her stuff?
> I'm starting to reach the same kind of "lows" I did as a teen when I had thoughts of suicide so prevalent in my mind. It's been about 9-10 yrs since then and it scares me. I get depressed, my own thoughts start to scare me, then I get mild anxiety attacks from that.. No uncertain terms: it sucks. I'm waiting for the up part of this to come and I'm gonna try to mark on a calendar my ups and my downs so maybe I can brace myself a little or something if I notice a pattern. I dunno, gang. I'm a little scared to go on the meds because of all the wonderfully horrid side effects they can (and usualy do) have to accompany them.Meds have a place. They aren't for what your Mom thinks depression is, IMHO.
> It's almost like a 'rob Peter to pay Paul' scenario if you think about it too long.
So don't think too much about it. Talk to a disinterested objective third party. A doctor. A therapist.
> My mother just doesn't understand, though. My paternal grandmother committed suicide when I was 10 - mom writes it off rather cynically as being because my granddad was an alcoholic and grams thought her life was over because she was going through her change.. But.. That's not really it.She trivializes a major personal crisis, just as she trivializes you? Is this woman really someone who has your best interests at heart? Is she expressing unconditional love, or that other sort?
> As I've stated before, people that don't wrestle with those thoughts and that kind of internal anguish just cannot understand.
Not, strictly speaking, true. A good counsellor will understand.
> My mom never got along with my grandma anyway.
See, it's about your mom again.
> *sigh* well, there's my mini-rant. Suggestions? Comments? Whatnots? Feel free.
I like whatnots. They're better than whatchamacallits. Feelings are free, as you suggest. ;-)
Later in the thread you mention that your mom would veto counselling. How on earth would it be her decision, anyway?
A good counsellor can help you figure out how to interpret your world in the context of you. Using active listening "What I hear you saying is....", and guided questioning "When I hear you say X, it makes me wonder if.....", and unconditional acceptance, a counsellor encourages you to set and honour personal boundaries. Meds may be a part of that, or they may not be. But it would be your call, based on the whys and why nots of your life.
The outcome can be summed up in the "people" version of the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity,
To accept the people I cannot change,
The courage to change the people I can,
And the wisdom to know that person is me.
> Thanks for reading. Back to work for me. :P
> -ZHappy to read. Happy to comment, too. Is that tongue for anyone in particular? ;-p
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:270012
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031011/msgs/270561.html