Posted by Susan J on September 22, 2003, at 10:27:01
In reply to Re: How do I help my friend to understand?, posted by NutMeig on September 20, 2003, at 2:56:27
> I havent told him how it makes me feel, I’ve told him that I've been doing so much better in the last few months hoping that he'll get the hint.
<<I'd be more direct. I'd tell him I really value our friendship, don't want to lose it, but would understand if it changed a bit since you are dealing with bipolar. Change isn't bad. :-)>How do I suggest to him that he should learn a little bit about the disorder? Do I give him a book that I had been reading about bipolar and tell him that I enjoyed it and that I thought that it would be good if he read it too?
<<I don't know him very well, whether he'd be in to reading a book....perhaps send him a couple of links that you find helpful, and that are from reputable sources....>>he is the only friend of mine that really tries to “help” me with this. So, do I tell him that if he really wants to help that he might as well know some facts?
<<Tell him you really appreciate him being supportive of you (maybe he's not doing it exactly the way you want, but his desire to be there for you is a good thing). I don't think I'd tell him that the way to help you is to learn some facts....he might get defensive (I don't know him, just speaking from my own experience with men). And just send a couple of links about bipolar. You know, FYI, if you are interested. Perhaps pointing out one or two things you are struggling with.>>I think he is just being a guy and thinking that I want him to fix it, rather then support me. Prehaps I should tell him that.
<<I'm such a believer in open communication. When done right (nonaccusatory) it can be a truly powerful thing. So tell him. Tell him you'd just like a (figurative) shoulder to lean on. Or find other, closer (geographically) friends to lean on if you think he's not so good in the emotional area. If he's not good at communicating, what he says could really hurt you, although I'm sure it would be totally unintentional.Good luck. It sounds like you've got a great friend in him. :-)
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:261692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/262376.html