Posted by Dinah on September 2, 2003, at 11:57:58
In reply to So, why is it..., posted by Penny on September 2, 2003, at 10:33:51
Well, I can only tell you my approach with my husband. He too really doesn't want to know the gory details, but gets hurt sometimes that I don't tell him everything. He wants the intimacy, but not the responsibility.
I just sit him down and tell him we can share a lot of things, but that I employ the professionals for this purpose and to please leave that between them and me. He doesn't need to know the details any more than he needs to know my daily blood sugar readings. He does and can know the generalities. But he's not my father or my therapist. And frankly his interventions usually aren't that helpful, and that's ok because he isn't supposed to know what to do. He's not a professional.
He both does and doesn't like it. He sees my therapist as the boundary between my craziness and him. He likes that. But he wants the intimacy of total truthfulness. Frankly, total truthfulness is waaaay overrated. There are things he's probably thinking that I'd just as soon not hear, and vice versa.
If you can inject enough fondness and intimacy into the explanation as possible, reassure her that your health is *not* her responsibility so she doesn't *have* to know your status, and draw boundaries you might be able to negotiate this hurdle at least. It's not really a problem between my husband and myself on a regular basis. But you have to do it with warmth and affection for it not to feel like a rejection.
Good luck with her return!
poster:Dinah
thread:256313
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030829/msgs/256325.html