Posted by fallsfall on August 15, 2003, at 9:00:10
In reply to Meds, mood, motivation and misery, posted by zenhussy on August 15, 2003, at 1:56:21
Of course a response is needed. You are worthy of a response.
I understand your dispair. You've worked hard, you've tried all the drugs and yet you are back in the pit again. It isn't supposed to work that way. If you try hard enough you are supposed to get better. If you make the phone calls they are supposed to call back.
People do care about you, and they want you to take care of yourself. I know how two suicidal people can feed each other instead of help each other - even when they really care about each other.
You said that you had a difficult therapy session. Does your therapist know how badly you are feeling these days? (She would if she called you back!!!) Maybe she needs to do a more supportive type of therapy right now.
I was at the bottom of the pit 6 months ago, but two things have happened to make things better - and I didn't think that ANYTHING could happen.
First, I added 2 new meds that have had an incredibly positive affect on my suicidality - Strattera and Provigil. I don't know if one (instead of both) would do it, but both are really incredible. I've been taking meds for 8 1/2 years now, so I was pretty sure that nothing else would help.
Second, I changed therapists. I was so dependent I thought I would still be with her when she retired. But things got very painful and I couldn't stay. My new therapist is completely different - she was CBT, he is Psychodynamic. I've seen him for less than 2 months so it is hard to say, but I have seen things that make me think that the difference in theory will be really good for me. Plus, my attachment to my old therapist was unhealthy, and making me/keeping me sicker than I needed to be.
I guess my point is that when things hit the bottom, it is time to really challenge some of the basic assumptions that we make - because clearly they aren't working. It is terrifying to do this. But it can work.
In my opinion, you are a very valuable member of the Babble family. Let us help.
Don't worry about the next couple of semesters. Worry about today. Maybe this week. The beginning of this semester.
((((zenhussy))))
poster:fallsfall
thread:250967
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030808/msgs/251009.html