Posted by girl on July 21, 2003, at 13:27:28
Anyone heard of this manual called Skills Training Manual For Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha M. Lineham? My pdoc gave this to me a long time ago. I read the first page or two just cause I wanted to know how I was "classified." But now I really want this manual to help me. Trouble is, I think it's for therapists and not for going through by yourself. Can I go through it by myself? It just seems to go over my head.
Second thing, I think this should be a new thread, but anyway...
I almost lost my boyfriend the other day. It was awful. I had a terrible panic attack and I was sobbing and screaming and hysterical. I couldn't thnk of living without him. I wanted to hurt myself. I was already decided on dying if he left. It's pretty pathetic to die because a guy left you, but that's how I felt. Thankfully things finally got under control and we're working through it. Most of the problems were me (I'm the psych patient, right? why wouldn't problems stem from me? sigh)
First off, I got clingy. And we all know how men hate that. I clung on because I used him as my anchor. It got to the point that I could barely function without him.
Secondly, I'm terribly impatient. I'm always now now now now. Sounds like a toddler, right? LOL I guess I can be one. Impatience coupled with depression and clingyness... well you get the picture.
Third, I hit a bump in the road. I got depressed again. I was doing fine for a year already and then all of a sudden three weeks ago... BAM! I don't even remember what happened or what triggered it. So combine all three and you've got a relationship that's going to be rocky. And it was, and as I said earlier, it got to the point where we almost broke up and that would have resulted in a bigger disaster.
Now, I know what my faults are. I just want to know how to control myself. How to control my impatience and my tendency to put all my stock into my boyfriend and cling on for dear life.
I want to fix myself. I feel broken. I even started job hunting. I'm a freelancer and now I'm looking for a "regular" job. I never needed to get a "regular" job, I'm lucky, but I think that having a job could help direct my energies into something constructive. At least I'll be doing something. The only thing I worry about having a regular job are my mood swings. What do I do about that?
The more I think about things, the more complicated it gets. All I want is to get out of this hole I fell in so to speak.
poster:girl
thread:243918
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030719/msgs/243918.html