Posted by yesac on July 17, 2003, at 15:49:06
I can feel a downturn coming on. Today has been good at work - perfectly good, several interesting conversations. But I'm just feeling a little bit of that sense of dread about what to do tonight. I try thinking over my options, and it just seems like there's nothing. And I think, how am I going to get through it? This is a daily struggle for me. I can't believe this, but I'm afraid of starting Harry Potter (that Penny let me borrow)... I think I'm afraid that I won't even be able to read that. And I'm worried as always about the upcoming weekend. How odd - I mean, who worries about the weekend? What I really need to do is get some more volunteering going in my life, or maybe a cheesy part time job (I could use the money!). And exercise! And there's the whole trying to have fun bit, trying to do some interesting things with my time, but I don't feel that I have the motivation for that as much as I may want to.
I feel this thing of wanting to drink again tonight. I know it's not a good idea. And I might not just because I don't even feel that I have the money to spend on alcohol right now.
Oh my God! WHAT can I DO? There just doesn't seem to be anything that I want to do. Well, I guess I might clean my room and bathroom. That's something. It won't take that long though. Like, maybe an hour tops.
The other thing is that I just feel sort of like why do I bother posting every damn day? I bet you guys are bored of my ramblings. It's always the same, up and down, up and down.
I wish my shrink was here. Only a few more days. But even if he was here right now, I'm not real sure that I'd call him because what can he do? I can't afford to go seeing him all the time. I guess talking is good for support and reassurance and just knowing someone is aware of my pain and actually cares.
poster:yesac
thread:242918
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030713/msgs/242918.html