Posted by Sabina on July 14, 2003, at 22:44:32
i just caught my boyfriend in yet another lie, my dog mutilated the next door neighbor's cat yesterday, i'm not doing great on a new med (seroquel. no, i'm not schizophrenic) and i've just spent the last two hours researching lethal doses of Rx drugs i have on hand. the latter was not meant to be triggering or a threat, so nobody take it too awfully seriously. i just included that last item to emphasize that it's gotten a *lot* worse than "normal," the gory details of which i won't bore you. anyway, i'd probably botch the job and end up mindless, drooling, and diapered in a room somewhere with the walls painted all awful institutional colours for the next 30 years. my therapist has been on vacation for the past week in florida. i can't see her until wednesday and i just don't wanna phone up some local helpline to vent or seek reassurance only to end up with somebody trying to get me to accept jesus into my life. boyfriend is obviously off limits for confiding since he's been so much of a contributor to this flare up. i'm sorry to dump all this on you guys. i don't even know you all, outside of your posts here. i thought that maybe i could get to know some of you before, when i first started to post, but then i just reverted to lurking. of course, that makes me feel even more like i don't have any right to come out of the shadows asking for kind words. i only ever did the cryptic type quote-ology speak with folks i knew very well a long time ago; otherwise i might feel comfortable enough in brio or sphinx talk land. i've had some beer and a xanax now. i know, i know...i shouldn't mix it up, but i do feel a bit calmer now; intermittently, anyway. now i'm scared to take the seroquel and/or go to sleep, though, because of it. please, will someone just wish me well tonight and i will do the same for all of you?
a few of my favorite famous last words...just for fun (really):
"Codeine...bourbon. -Tallulah Bankhead
"I am perplexed" -Aleister Crowley (rumored)
"Either that wallpaper goes, or I do." -Oscar Wilde
poster:Sabina
thread:241931
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030713/msgs/241931.html