Posted by kara lynne on July 9, 2003, at 22:52:54
I'm having a really panicky time, lately. Like driving on the freeway if I'm stuck in traffic, I envision myself getting out the car and just walking and telling anyone who asks that I'm simply having a panic attack and cannot stay in the car.
Likewise I've got this compulsion to call the ex--in a moment of desperation, like a fix, but I don't even know why. I know it would be demeaning and demoralizing if I called him right now. I know he will not ever give me anything I need. He's not even trying to find out where I live! I'm just stunned that he really can give me up so easily. I can't get over it. I was staying with a vapor, who never chose to be with me the whole time I was with him. It was like I could've stayed or gone, all the same to him.
My therapist says, "It's time for you to come to yourself", you know, patent sentences that sound so predictable, but feel so un-do-able. It's going on three weeks since I've seen or talked to my ex (except for a few emails) after five years of being together. How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to just yank myself away and start a new life?
I want to get over those panicky, impulsive moments where I feel like my hand is going to jump out in front of me and dial the phone without my permission. I don't know what's going on with me. I'm moving again in 20 days so I can't unpack, but I can't move forward.
I'm sorry so many people are having such a hard time right now. I'm sorry to be so redundant.
poster:kara lynne
thread:240442
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/240442.html