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Re: and I guess it's no small thing...

Posted by kara lynne on July 7, 2003, at 15:01:03

In reply to Re: and I guess it's no small thing... » kara lynne, posted by Emme on July 6, 2003, at 21:34:10

Hi Emme,
Yes, I'm trying to distance myself as much as possible. Unfortunately I'm still somewhat financially dependent on my father, especially at the moment. I'm ashamed to admit it, but hopefully that won't be forever. I also have so much guilt around them (isn't that supposed to be another form of anger turned inward?). I have guilt about the financial stuff and about not being a "good daughter"--not staying in touch, etc. But they've been so glaringly unsupportive right now it makes it a bit easier to be a bad daughter--i.e. take care of myself.

I had to distance myself from my brothers greatly. One is a nauseating new age lawyer (now there's an oxymoron!)--the new age because he married a Swiss homeopathist and he tends to become whatever woman he's with. She's new agey, so he is. But it just covers up his narcissism and passive anger. He does his best to demolish me and has our entire lives--but I always look like the bad guy when I won't put up with it anymore. He claims to be so rejected by me and my family buys it, because I won't play the game with him any longer. As my therapist is fond of saying, "Never go to dinner where you are the main course."

My other brother had a severe drug addiction for many, many years. He has cleaned up, but really has no life and lives at home with my parents at 47. It's really sad. He has a wonderful, gentle soul and at one time was an artist and a musician. But he just gave everything up somewhere inside along the way.

Anyhow, enough about me!! How are you doing these days? What's going on with your therapist and the hospital prospect?

Thanks for listening again.

P.S. more about studies to come--


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