Posted by yesac on June 23, 2003, at 18:17:55
I feel lame or something. I'm not even sure if I should post because I feel like I post all the time and I'm afraid that people get bored with my posts. But I guess this fear is not stopping me. Things seem to be going downhill for me over the past few days. I can't figure out what it is. I wonder if the medication even is really working like I had thought it was. I'm so tired of it all. I can't focus on anything and am so bored with everything. I've been wondering if this is just depression or a symptom of attention-deficit problems (I really don't think that I have the full-blown disorder, but definitely some pretty strong symptoms).
I had been feeling a bit more hopeful about life, but now I am just not. I think about some of the people who have not felt much better throughout their whole lives, and god, that idea is just totally unbearable that I could go through much more like this without feeling better.
I am tempted to go off of medication and just say F--k it! But then other times I cling to the hope that MAYBE something can help me if I don't give up.
I don't even know. I just feel much more down, depressed, annoyed, hopeless, and hurt. The only thing I really want to do is just to be asleep. It's the only relief, the only activity that isn't some awful thing to get through the day, the only time that I don't really have to deal with life.
Why does this all have to be so awful? Life just seems really ridiculous and pathetic and lame.
poster:yesac
thread:236400
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030617/msgs/236400.html