Posted by WorryGirl on May 12, 2003, at 18:48:13
In reply to Re: Toxic Friendships » WorryGirl, posted by bookgurl99 on May 12, 2003, at 17:29:20
> I understand how you feel about wanting to have 'true' friends. They are so hard to come by.
>
> I have also had problems with developing a bad reputation (partly due to a negative breakup in the small lesbian community), and having people who I _could_ have befriended misjudge me as a result. It really hurts.
>Hi BookGurl,
Thanks for your kind words. I can imagine how uncomfortable it might be in a tightly knit community such as yours, being involved in a break-up. I'm sorry that it was so unpleasant. Did you finally leave your community? It probably is very similar to a small town in many ways.
Where I live people either are aloof and/or snooty, or if they do get to know you it feels like they're checking out every nook and cranny to see what's wrong, to make sure you really qualify for their friendship. Now I know what houses must feel like if they had souls. Imagine being there for 100+ years, having had many wonderful families and memories living in you for so long; they even lovingly would come back and visit you later. But as time goes by and things start to crumble, the picky potential buyers don't notice the wonderful parts, so much as the crooked floors and faulty windows, etc. But then someone comes along who loves you like you are and knows that with a few improvements you will be more appreciated and loved than ever. Kind of corny analogy, but that's how I feel! Like I'm waiting for someone to realize that underneath my faults lies a pretty neat person.> But you can't keep beating your fists against a wall if certain people aren't true friends. To be honest, I would just blow this woman off.
>I have thought about doing this, but am afraid that if I do so, everyone else might decide I really am wacko. If she wasn't seemingly friends with almost every other woman in the neighborhood I am sad to say that I would feel some satisfaction in blowing her off after how she's made me feel. But I have enough co-dependency traits that when she becomes charming and sweet I fall for it and think that she really does like me for who I am after all. I feel like such a fool. But she does have many good qualities and I am trying to watch her social success and hopefully I can learn a thing or two from her. One thing she does that I have a hard time with is her ability to be a chameleon (sp?). She is one of those people who seem to be able to relate to any type of people and that is a gift. But in my humble opinion, she abuses her gift by making someone feel inferior the next moment, or day, whatever.
> In time, hopefully your neighbors will realize that you're a nice lady.
>
I hope so. Probably by now I am known as the strange but nice wimpy lady in the stone house. Could be worse I guess!> I find, especially in small towns, some people take a dx of something as simple as anxiety as proof that you're a nut. I take it as proof that you're not in denial like so many others.
>I like the way you think. I would 10x rather be around someone who is anxious or nutty but honest and real. I am so honest sometimes that people think I'm a phony. I think that I've been honest about things that no one else would admit to and that really makes me seem bizarre. I used to lie a lot as a child and got in a lot of trouble. When I grew up I began to realize the freedom that honesty gives you. Unfortunately, as I get older, people don't always appreciate that honesty.
> Good luck.
Thanks and take care :)
poster:WorryGirl
thread:226073
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/226180.html