Posted by leeran on May 7, 2003, at 2:06:21
In reply to The point of no return » monkeypaw, posted by whiterabbit on May 6, 2003, at 19:39:59
Gracie,
Heart attack or no heart attack, I think you are light years beyond your husband in terms of spirit and character. I had to step back from the heart attack post for a day or so. The urge to turn cartwheels was a bit overwhelming on the first read and I didn’t want to come off sounding like a cheerleader for the cardiac Gods. My God is a punitive God, and there’s a myocardial infarction on my chart. Enough said.
My observation (although prescription drug induced) is this: your very essence screams volumes through your words alone. Given the nature of what you share here, it’s mind-boggling to imagine what the 3D Gracie must really be like.
Some people never understand that which is rare and beautiful, even after twenty years in the same house, the same room, the same bed. That’s the impression I get of your husband. Nice enough guy but not enough upstairs for Gracie.
I stayed with my first husband ten years after he was unfaithful to me. The mental image of him in some generic hotel room with a woman whose name he didn’t even know never faded BUT, like you, I walked away with the best of him – and the best of me: our son. Those were ten years well spent considering the bounty.
A friend of mine once called my ex-husband the “perfect guy next door.” I was reminded of that when I read one of your other posts (the light bulb incident). My ex-husband was one of those guys who never met a stranger, but didn’t bother getting to know his family.
He’s remarried now, with a young daughter and a wife who is eleven years younger and threatens to divorce him every three or four months like I used to have to do. Sad to say, it’s what keeps him “in line.” What irony it is (for me) that she spends hours on end talking to my son when he comes to visit. I know how she feels. I missed having someone to talk to when I was married to him, too.
I used to compare him to a puppy on a leash, always straining ahead – looking for the next opportunity (of course, after two marriages, several refrigerators and a cross-country move I'm not sure I'm much different).
Considering our "tit for tat" relationship that spanned nearly two decades, I am shocked that I don’t get a bigger charge out of knowing he isn’t all that happy. I suppose some of the mad wore off when I moved 2000 miles away. It’s harder to push the familiar buttons when you have to reach clear across the great plains, the southwest and the Mojave desert. That and ten plus years has taken the edge off of that old hurt that got so heavy to carry around after awhile.
In the five or six weeks since I’ve been visiting it seems like there's been a real shift in your posts. It seems like you’ve gotten to this place that’s way beyond resolve. Again, maybe it’s the four meds I’m taking, but I see this expectancy in your words that I didn’t see when I first started reading your posts. By the way, I’ve always read your posts because (a) they’re usually pretty darned funny (b) they’re always pretty darned informative (c) I used to wonder in my first days here if you were Grace Slick (so I always picture a much younger Grace Slick pounding away at the keyboard).
After going through two divorces I’m always curious to hear how others view the entire outhouse process (stinky, “in the way,” and necessary). Brothers in arms, if you will. Of course, I think you’ve been better armed than I ever was – after all, I’m just learning how to shoot a b.b. gun.
Something tells me that ten years from now you’re going to know what it’s like to really be appreciated for who you are. Not everyone is looking for a Stepford wife. Some people actually do appreciate a good conversation, or a really big laugh, or just sitting and doing a crossword puzzle while you write your next novel or paint the Gracie version of “The Last Supper.”
Since reading the heart attack post (and now this one), two lines from a Doors song keep repeating in my head:
“You men eat your dinner, eat your pork and beans. I eat more chicken than any man ever seen.”
That’s how I bet it will end up for you in this divorce deal. He’s going to end up eating out of the can – and you’re going to end up at the big table.
Lee
P.S The day after I knew things were headed for the bricks in my SECOND failed attempt at marriage I stayed home from work (literally sick to my stomach) and ended up seeing what I call my watershed movie. It was such a goofy/corny movie, but it gave me the strangest sense of hope (Fellini be d*mned – I go for schmaltzy “B” movies every time). The strangest things can mark the fork in the road for me. This movie is the other thing that comes to mind when I’ve read your last few posts. I can really feel hope in your words! It seems like you’ve done a lot of introspection and you really believe in yourself – and it is totally infectious. Your posts leave me a feeling a little bit twitterpated, like spring isn’t such a bad thing after all! (Now it's time for my sleeping pill :)
poster:leeran
thread:224306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/224799.html