Posted by leeran on May 3, 2003, at 22:36:40
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again... » leeran, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 22:03:36
"I guess, again, my tendency to take things too literally and too seriously gets in the way."
I just read this to my husband and said "does this sound like anyone you know?" He answered: "hmmmmmm, nobody I know" (and rolled his eyes).
There was something else you said the other day that I told my husband about this morning (I didn't mention it here, maybe it was the day I was trying to refrain from posting . . .).
Anyway, when you wrote of your concern about being a financial burden to your family (regarding the diabetes) I almost fell out of my chair!
Since my career has taken such a nosedive this has been one of my MOST obsessive issues. However, when I look back (even to childhood) I always wanted to be independent so as not to "burden" anyone. Here lately, a significant portion of my overall feeling of self-worthlessness is rooted back to this "not wanting to impose (or be a burden) on anyone" feeling.
The thing is, my husband does everything he can to make me feel otherwise - but I'm stuck in this loop from which I cannot EXTRICATE myself (thank you for the verb of the eve, Dinah).
Actually, I have it all figured out (or at least I think I do) and knowing WHY I feel that way (too long to post here tonight - or ever) but being unable to feel differently (at least on my own) is an enormous frustration for me (and I'm sure for my husband as well). Ultimately, this may be the reason I finally decide to drag my reluctant b*tt into therapy.
Oh yeah, I don't take teasing very well (I don't think you've mentioned that yet, so maybe we differ there?) - and I'm much more verbose in writing than I EVER am in person (I think you mentioned that last night). I'm okay on the phone, but I usually like to be the one to make the call so I can be the one to end the call (talk about control issues!).
poster:leeran
thread:224133
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/224163.html