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Re: How many good days does one strive for? » ~Alii~

Posted by whiterabbit on May 1, 2003, at 11:26:09

In reply to How many good days does one strive for?, posted by ~Alii~ on April 30, 2003, at 22:10:05

Of course everyone is different but this is how it worked for me - I was taking Seroquel for a couple of years before it really got my bipolar symptoms under control. I think this is partly because it took awhile to determine the right dosage and now I'm good at 400 mg nightly. But it also took such a long time because I wasn't being compliant, I kept fooling around with the dosage
myself (because the stuff was making me so tired) and skipping dosages so I could drink (otherwise it made me sick). Eventually I adjusted to the medication, the side effects went away and I started taking it like I was supposed to, the correct dosage every night without fail. Once the drug had a real chance to kick in, my bipolar symptoms slooowly began to fade. I started going to bed at night and getting up in the morning, and I sleep 8 or 9 hours just like normal people
(that right there is a miracle in itself, since my inner timeclock had been set backwards for pretty most all of my life. I wanted to stay up all night and sleep all day, so I was exhausted much of the time. Later, when I got seriously depressed, I was either sleeping all the time or barely sleeping at all, and the insomnia revved up my anxiety level to an unbearable degree - that's when the self-medication started to get serious).

Once I started to sleep well and the mood swings leveled off, I did feel better, much more calm. But I was still depressed - I didn't care much about anything, I didn't want to go out, talking to other people was a real effort. It was hard to concentrate or focus for very long on anything.
That didn't go away until I started taking Paxil
and even then, of course, you have to wait a number of weeks before you notice any improvement.
I did okay on 20 mg and better at 40 mg. I'm taking 60 mg daily right now but I think that's because I started to get depressed again over the separation from my husband. From a clinical standpoint I think that's "okay", because I'm upset about a painful situation and not just because I'm alive.

It does take a lot of time and patience and good
old-fashioned endurance to hang on. The "experimental" phase with psychiatric medication is pretty tough. Before Seroquel, I was on Depakote for 6 months. This is an effective mood stabalizer for many people but didn't work for me at all. Before the Paxil I tried Wellbutrin but it made nervous and irritable.

Still, look at the alternative to psych meds -
possibly, maybe even probably, a lifetime of misery. Now that I'm taking effective medication, I am no longer depressed. I leave the house to see other people, I've started to paint again -
something I quit doing for years - I no longer think of harming or doing away with myself. I'm
slowly cleaning up the mess I made during the time I was so unwell - not just my environment, but re-connecting with my family. Apparently it's too late for my husband, but I might be better off without him anyway. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses.

Please hold on. If you can get through every day, just one day at a time, you will eventually reach the point where there are many good days for you.
I'm the living example ;-)
-Gracie


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