Posted by lil' jimi on March 24, 2003, at 13:36:39
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
> I am a frequent reader of posts on this group,mainly med oriented.Yesterday my son was killed in a car accident.I cant relay the total sense of complete desolation I feel.He was only 20 years old,had been having trouble with opiates
> (oxycontin in particular)went to detox and was about to be awarded his 40 day clean certificate.
> My ex wife notified me last night when i got back to my shop from a job.She is maybe even in worse shape than me.I spent the night at my sisters,and know now how even though caring,people dont really know what to do when the unthinkable happens.By this morning I felt I had started to wear out my welcome.Please say a prayer for my beautiful child,my ex and me.I dont know how I am going to deal with the funeral,and for that matter the rest of my life with him goneDear Mr. Oshay,
Oh, friend-who-I-have-never-met, my family and I grieve for your devastatingly tragic loss. Words fail to convey our condolences for you and your son’s loved ones. Despite their inadequacy, I make this effort out of our compassion for your suffering. I apologize for my doomed failure in advance. I had to try.The hurt I feel for you must begin with “What if we lost our son?” and my tears now run down my face at the thought of that which you must endure and which I have not the strength to even imagine. We love him so. So, friend, I cry for you. I had just posted to Ms Pumpkin yesterday that I hadn’t cried in a while. People here at work may ask me why I am crying. I will tell them that a friend of mine lost their son day before yesterday. I am truly and very deeply sorry.
About grieving and crying: these are things to do in increments and at intervals to achieve the necessary beneficial relief and to work toward the goal of reaching beyond the sadness, one day. It is work that must be done, but it can’t be done all at once or it would crush us and it may not be avoided or it will make us explode. It is best done regularly and a little at a time, with “a little” measured by how much strength we have available and how much support there is to protect us in our suffering. We must suffer, yet we must control how much we suffer, for our self-preservation, while we are suffering. Not an easy task, especially while under the worst of circumstances. Helping other family and friends with their suffering can offer a blessed diversion from our own pain, sometimes, for the benefit of everyone. Helping your ex and helping your son’s grandparents may offer you the greatest consolation. I hope these suggestions are not too presumptuous.
I would hope also that you would be able to consider that your son is now beyond all pain and suffering now. I would hope that your faith lets you know and feel that he is with you in spirit and watches over your family from a place of comfort and safety. My faith feels he would protect you from this tragedy and wants you to not hurt any more than you have to. I pray that your faith is even stronger than mine that it may support you through this disaster. Again, I do not mean to be too presumptuous, my friend.
From my faith I pray that every positive force in the universe come to your aid and help to bear you and all of your loved ones up in this time of such profound sadness. Your devastation is compounded by your struggle with meds in our battle against neurotransmitter disease. Resolve to take the best care of yourself that you can that you may be of help to your family and therefore take to yourself every support to give you strength for these dark days ahead.
Know that you are not alone. We are here. Post when you feel up to it. I will go wash my face now. My co-workers don’t have to know that I was crying for my friend-who-I-have-never-met.
Do Take Care of Yourself,
~ Jim
poster:lil' jimi
thread:211791
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030322/msgs/212204.html