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I'm having a really hard time.

Posted by kara lynne on March 20, 2003, at 14:44:37

Even though I don't think I really do want to die, it is like my default mantra. I find myself saying it all the time, I want to die. It is scaring me. I don't wish I was dead, I just feel so bleak. I've been really sick since Sunday; today I managed to keep in a few tablespoons of yogurt. I know that adds to depression and I try to keep telling myself that. I have no nutrients in my system so I'm very depleted. I'm in the shower crying and yawning at the same time--I don't know what the impulse is anymore. My best friend/surrogate mother is not talking to me anymore. It hurts everyday. I feel like I have no one. I was trying to muster up a way of feeling like I could care for myself and it just wouldn't come. I feel so empty-- I don't know how make myself feel better. I have to go to work, maybe it will distract me.


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poster:kara lynne thread:210946
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030316/msgs/210946.html