Posted by Tabitha on March 15, 2003, at 4:13:15
I can't sleep decently without pills. I tried, I thought my body would get the sleep it needs, but it doesn't. For a couple weeks it was OK to only get a few hours, but it just got worse and worse, I felt so irritable and spacy, and craved sedation so much.
It's the SSRI causing the insomnia, but if I stop it, then how do I keep from crashing? I was on serzone, it's not so activating, but it barely touched my depression. I was on TCAs, they're plenty sedating, but they make me feel awful. I was on sedating add-on meds but they keep me out for 10-12 hours, so my sleep cycle kept getting later and later, I couldn't keep on a normal schedule.
My doc won't write refills on ambien so I run out. Besides if I take it every night it quits working. So I'm taking crappy antihistamine sleeping pills. They work OK but I eat like a pig from them. It feels like I just really really need double my normal food intake. I don't want to deny my appetite because I spent so long giving myself permission to eat (anorexic tendencies).
Another rock and a hard place.I always had disturbed sleep, as a kid I couldnt' get to sleep at night, couldn't get up in the morning, then on weekends slept 12-14 hours to catch up, which enraged my stepdad, who was always trying to force me to get up at a 'decent' hour. For what reason? I don't know. So I wonder do I also have sleep 'issues' due to being punished for sleeping in. And it was the most attention I ever got from my mom, she dragged my sleepy self out of bed every morning, and worried whether I'd miss the school bus. Sometimes she'd sort of physically prop me up and put my arms into my robe, on into my teens. Can you believe she'd do that?
I'm sick of battling my body. I hate pills. Nothing else works. I want that OFF switch with the 8 hour timer installed in the back of my neck.I had this evil oppressive boss once, who told me she just forced herself through willpower to go to sleep at night. Wish I could do that, only without becoming evil and oppressive. I'd just say F-- you brain, you're shutting off NOW!
poster:Tabitha
thread:209324
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030308/msgs/209324.html