Posted by PuraVida on February 9, 2003, at 19:39:09
Hi all,
I have been posting here the past few years, and the board has helped me greatly when it comes to finding about other peoples experiences. However, I just haven't seen a lot of conversation on if people are having problems with self-medication (alcohol, particularly), and am hoping to start a discussion. So here is my deal - I'd love to hear from anyone with similar challenges.
I have been drinking since I was a late teen, and it has always been a fairly large part of my life in the sense that I am (or was) very social. I may be a little paranoid about how much of a problem I have, as my mother was a psych/drug counselor and worried about my working in a bar in college leading to alcoholism. On the other hand, I do seem to get into relationships with guys where drinking is a big deal. On the other hand, I have left those guys primarily because I got sick of hangovers and was moderating and they were not.
Regardless of whether I fit into a category of alcoholic or not, I understand that the drinking is not good for me as a depression-prone person, and that of late I am definately using it to numb my pain. I have also just started added Prozac again, for the third time. I noticed the two times I took it before, and one of the reasons I chose to stop it, was because after a drink or two it is as if someone has taken all of my control away. I still function physically pretty well, and I suppose still make sense, but it is as if I get immediately drunk and careless. I have had some embarrasing evenings lately. I also muct wonder if the anhedonia I've had lately is a result of the daily heavy drinking of the past month or so.
I don't want to go to AA because I know thier ideology is very strict, religious, and to be sucessful, you must submit and conform to thier ways. I'm a little more individualist in my thinking, so I am checking out moderation.org and womenforsobriety.org.
My goal is to abstain for 30 days (as moderation.org suggests.) I am hoping by then my mood and meds will be under control and I can go back to having a glass of wine or two with my friends, but I don't know. I'd love to say "I never want to be blind drunk again" but then I think of that feeling I get when the wine is being poured, and it is so tempting to just to not take responsibility, especially when everyone else is doing the same. Then I remember that I am not the same as they are - they don't have the mood swings I do. And, I see, that I am using it as an escape. I am working on some tactics to help me at least stick to the 30 days...
Thanks for reading my post, and thanks in advance for any comments...
PV
poster:PuraVida
thread:36742
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030208/msgs/36742.html