Posted by Alii on January 8, 2003, at 4:21:11
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out, posted by Rach on January 8, 2003, at 3:25:37
>>It's been said before, but I'm going to say it anyway.
>>One of the most important things to keep in mind when posting on this board is that people will be human. Not only will they be human, but they will be human and suffering from depression, and therefore more likely to have a negative, cynical view of the world.
>>A message on a board is completely open to interpretation. Even with the most bland, or sincere, or clinical words, a message is liable to be interpreted in any number of ways. Often, it is our own frame of mind when reading a post that 'transfers' tonal meaning into the message. If I am down, I am more likely to read a message in a negative light. If I am happy, I am more likely to see jokes and light heartedness.>>We gain about 80% of a person's meaning by their body language (including tone of voice). Therefore, on a forum such as this, all we have to go on is the 20% in relation to the words the person has chosen. It is almost impossible to decipher a person's tone of voice in a written message without the use of extras, like smilies :), or unless we know that person very very well. Even then, we can get things wrong.
>> I'm positive that beardy never intended to be hurtful. Her choice of words was unfortunate, perhaps flippant. People reacted according to their interpretation of beardy's message. Which is natural and okay. This has been nobody's fault, just an unfortunate side effect of not being face to face with people.
>> Don't go because of a misunderstanding, beardy. I hope the people you offended will understand that you never intended to hurt anyone, will hear your apology, and perhaps this whole incident can be accepted as a misunderstanding and filed away in the 'over and done' box. I don't think anyone thinks you are intentionally cruel, in fact, I have seen you in moments of pure kindness, and I'll miss your face 'round here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Rach,
You write a nice post and present some valid points about distortions of depression and how this type of communication not being a face to face one (80% of meaning is body language including vocal intonation and 20% on word choice)is difficult. But after all that you've written you say that you are positive that beardy never intended to be hurtful.
What do you base this absolute positive on? I'm not trying to be argumentative but after saying everything is open to interpretation I just wonder how it is that you know beardy's intentions.
I will miss beardy if she chooses to leave this board as there will be a wide gap missing because of the lack of her very opinionated voice (which has often been enlightening and often otherwise------just like most posts on these boards including my own.)
As with anyone making bold "I'm outta here statements" I would suggest printing them out and taking them to the pdoc or therapist. I know I've done that in the past as have many other posters when they've been at a 'screw it all and leave' place. So just a possibility for therapeutic work as to how or why this format isn't working or reasons for leaving.
Just late night ramblings back at your post Rach. Nothing personal, no jabs at anyone. Just honest late night pondering about this form of communication and how often it leads to miscommunication.
~Alii
poster:Alii
thread:34786
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030104/msgs/34818.html