Posted by Mr Cushing on December 30, 2002, at 15:54:56
In reply to Re: Help gaining Control of your Life, posted by BlackSheep on December 30, 2002, at 15:13:54
Thanks for you apology, now like I said, it's not so much a substance abuse problem. Maybe in the past I was pretty dangerous in the things that I would do, but it's really only been within the last month or so that I realize that this behaviour is starting to really creep back into my life. Saturday night was the first night in about 6 months that I even had a little taste of cocaine. Hell, 3 days before Christmas was the first time that I even had a beer in about 4 months. I just noticed a pattern that I was starting to slip down hill again and I don't want to be like how I was before I got better.Trust me, I know first hand how dangerous this kind of stuff can be. I've had quite a few friends OD over the last few years. Some friends have died, some friends are pretty much the walking dead. I don't want to be like that.
That's one of the main reasons I even made the post in the first place. How do you go from being self-destructive your entire life, then going through a hellacious manic episode, back to normal, then stop yourself from being self-destructive in the future. I don't like that part of my life and Sunday morning waking up, realizing what I wound up doing the night before, it was like really embarrassing to me.
I need to figure this part out for myself I think. I already don't trust myself enough to go out anywhere tomorrow night so I have a feeling I'm probably going to be spending it alone, at home, safe. Hopefully in time my old life will seem like it happened to somebody else and I can go through life without those urges.
poster:Mr Cushing
thread:34150
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021226/msgs/34197.html