Posted by bookgurl99 on December 15, 2002, at 22:40:17
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-) » jay, posted by snowden on December 15, 2002, at 18:16:07
Hey snowden,
I understand how you feel. I had a long-term partner leave me when I developed OCD. I felt worthless and unworthy of a relationship. At the time I just wanted to 'get better' and win her back.
That never happened, but I started developing a life. And I still have so many struggles -- I've also been dx'd with ADD, and have encountered severe depression. On paper, I must sounds like a mess.
But in real life, I hear that I'm quite charming, smart, and funny. When I tell a story I steal the show. The sort of terse, practical, down-to-earth, shy women I like seem to be attracted to me, too.
Recently in the midst of trouble, practically a nervous breakdown, I met a really awesome girl who loves me for the way I am. I've been honest since the beginning, and she's always just cared for me. She's really together, and I'm amazed that someone like her would care for me.
But while I feel lucky, I think that anyone in love -- 'sane' or 'mentally ill' -- feels this way. And somehow, despite my shortcomings, I believe that I deserve this love, that I deserve to be loved.
So maybe that's what the feeling of 'waiting to be better' is all about, the feeling that 'I'm not good enough to be worthy of love yet.' But we ARE. Because you don't know how wonderful you could be to someone else.
poster:bookgurl99
thread:33356
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33389.html