Posted by bluedog on December 10, 2002, at 21:46:15
In reply to I dread shopping more than ever-feel like failure, posted by WorryGirl on December 9, 2002, at 12:16:38
Hi guys
Another way to put these shopping experiences into perspective is to think for a moment about some of these shop assistants!!!
Even though some shop assistants truly fit the mold of a "bully" perhaps we could all stop and consider for a moment that many shop assistants are themselves the victims of bullying. I have friends who are shop assistants and they are constantly exposed to bullying and harassment from many sources including their managers (many middle managers have sociopathic tendencies), perhaps from colleagues and then of course the main source of harassment comes non-stop from rude, arrogant and demanding customers who have the expectation that they are so special and the poor shop assistant ought to behave as some sort of personal slave to them.
This harassment from these customers becomes especially intense at this time of year with Christmas approaching. This problem is magnified at large department stores where in the greedy quest for maximum profits there are rarely enough staff to properly meet customer demand.
So what tends to happen is that the shop assistants are so tired, harassed and jaded that they actually lose their perspective (you could say they lose a part of their humanity) and no longer see the customers as individuals and to protect their own sanity they tend to assume that all customers are rude and demanding ( ie customers are "guilty until proven innocent") I believe that you can almost relate it to a PTSD type of disassociation from reality and they lose their ability to distinguish the nice custmers from the rude customers.
To reduce their own stress levels and to retain their sanity, rather than standing up for the really nice customers like you WorryGirl or Eddie, it is much easier for these shop assistants to give in to the pushy, arrogant, rude type of bitch that you came across that day in the shop WorryGirl.
The trick is not to take it at all personally (AS DIFFICULT AS THIS CAN BE AT TIMES). I would be willing to bet that the MAJORITY of the other customers waiting in line that day THOUGHT that what happened to you was completely wrong, but again they find it easier not to become involved. It takes an especially confident and courageous individual to jump in and stand up for someone who is being treated unjustly but most of us simply are not able to do this.
Because I suffer from social anxiety I get particularly upset when I see someone being treated badly by shop assistants because I have a tendency to picture myself in that exact same situation. However,despite EXTREMELY STRONG URGES to jump in and help the person, my social anxiety simply stops me from doing anything. It's like I'm frozen!!!
Anyway, I hope this helps a little and again do not take what happened to you too personally :)
This is also why I always make my best efforts to be cheerful and understanding with shop assistants and if I come across a TRULY sociopathic bastard I go away and tell myself ten times that they probably have mental problems of their own. Even if I'm really upset this does actually help to settle me down somewhat.warm regards
bluedog
poster:bluedog
thread:33113
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33194.html