Posted by IsoM on December 6, 2002, at 1:09:07
In reply to Re: I feel.....stop fretting » tina, posted by Racer on December 5, 2002, at 22:17:43
Thank you, Racer. I do hope Tina reads your message. I do hope she's still around. And I hope she reads this too.
Tina, Racer's said what I felt & even what I didn't know I was feeling until I read it. I think Racer may have said it best for all of us. Tough talk maybe, but very true & meant with great kindness & concern for you - even anguish for what you plan to do.
I've had two horrible periods in my life when I wished I were dead. Rather than killing myself, I desperately wished for non-existence. I'm fine now, in fact, feel pretty good. BUT every time I get sick in some way (the last 3-4 days of bad migraine & wash-out), that deja-vu feeling of utter despair & blackness come back by association. In a sense, I'm glad it does as it's a constant reminder how bleak, black & empty my life felt. It ensures I'll never lose sight of what it feels like for others.
I almost wanted to pull back & not say anything else about your plans. I've "felt" the peace of accepting death. Maybe my feel was different than yours, but I think I understand. And it was from that perspective that I didn't want you to go. It was from realising the enormity of what others would feel like if I was dead & feeling how special life is now to me.
Maybe it's naive, but I do believe that most will find that too - hopefully sooner than later. I hope you're still here to read this, Tina. Please let us know.
poster:IsoM
thread:32964
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021120/msgs/33012.html