Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2002, at 7:01:53
In reply to re: homework » BeardedLady, posted by Tabßitha on October 15, 2002, at 0:48:12
Isn't it odd, Tabitha? Depending on my mood I can be relatively outgoing with complete strangers, but with people I deal with more regularly I tend to be shy. I think I don't want to saddle them with me or impose myself on them.
And I know I have a problem with eye contact across the board. Even with people I know extremely well. It just seems so intimate, and I can't manage to do it even with friends and family. It causes me a lot of anxiety. I also have trouble calling people by their first name (Mr. or Mrs. X or Dr. X is fine), because it seems to darn intimate so I end up calling them nothing. I called my therapist by his full first and last name for years and years, all run on as if it were one word.
And I not infrequently hear feedback about how stuck up or unfriendly I am. And it hurts and confuses me every time. And makes me more insecure and more determined not to foist myself on others. So I don't think I'm shy so much as have a negative concept of myself in relation to others.
But I'm still surprised to hear similar fears from people I admire, Tabitha. So it surprises me to hear you say you are shy. I can't imagine anyone not being delighted to meet you. :) But I think I've heard it's an inborn trait, so I suppose it shouldn't surprise me so much.
Have you looked into Phillip Zimbardo's research? I find his ideas fascinating in general although I haven't looked into the shyness book particularly.
poster:Dinah
thread:31104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021010/msgs/31175.html