Re: It's hard to make friends » gloryb

Posted by Kath on September 1, 2002, at 14:33:41

In reply to Re: It's hard to make friends » Kath, posted by gloryb on August 29, 2002, at 20:58:33

Hi gloryb - If having them over for coffee feels better, by all means - do that. They could take home the leftover cake :-)
When I was a teen I was painfully shy & with low self-esteem. One of my best friends seemed so self-assured & I felt out on the edge. Eventually, I learned that I could be an actress & act more self-confident, even if I didn't feel it. Over the years I've done that. I'm still shy inside in many circumstances, but when I mention it often people will be so surprised...I guess I'm not a bad actress!
hugs, Kath
PS - looking forward to hearing how it goes.
PS2 - I have found being "open & honest" helps me alot...especially if I'm going to be doing something that's stressful.
For example - if I was having new neighbours over for tea & I felt nervous,I'd say, "Welcome - you know, it's taken a bit of nerve for me to invite you over, because I'm shy about meeting new people, but I really would like to welcome you as my neighbour, so I did it anyway." then switch the topic to them, "Are you moving from very far away?" etc.
good luck, Kath
> I totally agree with the idea of thinking of
> others. Unfortunately those of us, like me,
> with poor self-esteem are always so afraid we'll
> goof it up that we never reach out. I even
> worry I'll drop the cake I take over or something!
> Or I think they'll figure I'm desperate for friends.
>
> I had thought of something like your cake idea.
> I had figured I'd ask the new people over for
> coffee or something. I have found that one
> thing that helps is to remember that when folks
> move in they are waiting for the neighbors to
> reach out--not vice-versa.
>
> Probably the biggest hurdle for folks who
> fear meeting others is to stay focused on
> the other people to totally stop thinking
> of our own potential blunders.
>
> Thanks for your suggestions and when the
> new folks move in I will make the efforts
> and fill you in.
>
> gloryb

Thread

it's okay - allowed - to feel lonely Medusa 8/28/02
Re: it's okay - allowed - to feel lonely ~~tabitha~~ 8/28/02
Re: it's okay - allowed - to feel lonely fiona 8/28/02
It's hard to make friends gloryb 8/29/02
Re: it's okay - allowed - to feel lonely Kath 8/29/02
Re: It's hard to make friends Kath 8/29/02
Lonliness and Friends » Medusa IsoM 8/29/02
Re: It's hard to make friends » Kath gloryb 8/29/02
Re: it's okay - allowed - to feel lonely » Kath Medusa 8/30/02
Re: beautiful post, thanks. » IsoM ~~tabitha~~ 8/30/02
Re: Lonliness and Friends » IsoM Kath 9/1/02
Re: It's hard to make friends » gloryb Kath 9/1/02
Re: it's okay - allowed - to feel lonely » Medusa Kath 9/1/02

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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020829/msgs/29720.html