Posted by mashogr8 on August 1, 2002, at 18:41:59
In reply to Re: worn....Ensoul, posted by shar on July 31, 2002, at 13:29:03
Oh, how I think I know how you feel. So many times and years, I wanted to rid myself of the world and me of the world. Everyone said, "You're children need you." But at what price, I say. How much fun must it be to be a kid and have to hug your mom and tell her "it's okay, don''t cry, mommy." "Trust me," everyone said. "Your being alive is better for your children. YOu will get better." My children are grown and, in spite of me, definitely happier than I was at their age. But I'm not any happpier. All those great medications that drs. promised were on the horizon were hoaxes, I fear. It was tons, more than tons,easier to justify killing myself when they were very young. Should I kill myself now they will be affected. As a child, there is so much more healing time to understand and forgive.
Years later, there doesn't seem to be a choice. Now it's up to fate, illness to take care of things. It's a cinch medication won't.
The real thing is I'm still here and probably will be until I'm 84. I always wonder if I'll have the mental capacity to know that I am happy should I be ages old when the medication is finally invented.
Lots of people feel as you do. On a given day, I'm more accepting and the other days I'm not. But that's depression talking. Some day you or the doctors will win over depression. If you're dead you'll never know what undepressed is. I sincerely hope should I experience it, that it will be worth living.
God, this too morose. Just keep on holding on to the minute and when the next minute starts be glad that it to will end with you still there.
MA
poster:mashogr8
thread:27658
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020728/msgs/27791.html