Posted by tina on July 11, 2002, at 21:30:43
In reply to P.S tina, posted by Gabbi on July 11, 2002, at 16:54:38
I went to depressionbookstore.com but the book isnt'listed anywhere and when I clicked on books I was sent to Amazon. COuldn't download anything from there. So, I went to noondaydemon.com and it said I could download the chapter from there but the link won't work either.
I'll see if I can find it in the library. It sounds intriguing.
When my problems first started I was in highschool. Sitting in a classroom and I all of a sudden had to leave. I ran out the front doors of the school and just kept running til I got tired. I had so much trouble getting up the nerve to go back into the school to pick up my stuff. It took a couple of weeks but I eventually dropped out. I just couldn't go back. Then the panic started coming no matter where i was. At home in my own bed, in the street, everywhere. I hadn't realized I was depressed as well because the panic was so constant but I stopped going out, I slept all the time and I was a total bitch to everyone and everything around me. I lived in an apartment at the time and I went up to the roof everyday and sat on the ledge for hours just staring down at the parking lot. I eventually sought medical help and was given medication that worked somewhat for a while and just when i thought I might get my life back, the medication stopped working. Nothing has worked since.I've tried lots of medications and have been through 5 psychiatrists. In the beginning, it was the anxiety that was worst but for a couple of years now, it's been the depression more. I have wanted to die for a long time. Daily, for years. I don't have the courage to take my own life, I'm a coward. I just keep hoping that some accident will happen or I'll become ill and die. I just want this life OVER. I've had enough, you know? I can't fight anymore.
Sorry, didn't mean to go on like that.
Just know I understand how you feel. Being afraid of everything is pretty normal for me.
take care Gabbi
tina
poster:tina
thread:26237
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020629/msgs/26259.html