Posted by Gabbi on July 11, 2002, at 20:24:36
In reply to relentless waves of depression... » Alii, posted by IsoM on June 30, 2002, at 14:59:37
I can't offer much but the "misery loves company idea" It seems the only emotions I have are fear anxiety or boredom. I get so angry when I wake up, God another day to get through, more people telling me to "cheer up" do yoga, I know they mean well and perhaps they would help prevent a reocurrence but when you are in the depths its a stupid joke. Why not just tell someone with alzheimers to just put their mind to it and they could remember things if they wanted to.
Then there are the souls who say, you have no problems compared to most other people... and thats the scary part, for me anyway, if there was a tangible problem maybe I could fix it. Meanwhile I feel like I'm only staying alive because It would torture my family and the people who've supported me. I'm sick of not being able to talk about anything but the depression, I'm sick of hearing myself, I'm sick of watching people walk down the street and have coffee like there is nothing to it!
Even when I occasionally have a good day its like a nasty trick just to remind me how I used to feel, and then the next day I wake up either crying or frozen with dread.
I'm sick of my medications my Dr's appointments and not being able to just sit outside and feel like "gee its nice out today," In order to keep up the fight you need something to fight for.. and depression takes the reason out of everything yes its a delusion but you can't tell your brain that when its your brain thats producing the feelings. I don't want to have it cured when I'm 70 and realize everything I missed.Or maybe I just don't push myself enough (joke)
poster:Gabbi
thread:25900
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020629/msgs/26256.html