Posted by Cecilia on June 13, 2002, at 2:40:40
In reply to Afraid to get better?, posted by SusanG on June 7, 2002, at 13:33:59
I think I`m afraid to get better. It`s like I have a set-point for happiness. I`m not bipolar but just go back and forth from extreme depression to moderate depression. I`m terrified of the pit of extreme depression, but also terrified of happiness The therapist I saw for seven years told me at the end "I can`t help you, you obviously need to be depressed." Well, that`s blaming the victim, but probably there`s some truth in it. I definitely don`t get support or attention for being depresssed; I`m one of those people who tries to pass for "normal" and can`t imagine ever telling anyone about being depressed. Mainly it`s feeling I don`t deserve to be happy; a deep sense of badness to the core. Plus fear of having to do things I`m terrified of. The weird thing, is, I`ve forced myself to do many of these things over the years, but I think that deep down there`s a sense that as long as I`m depressed I`m not REALLY doing them, just going through the motions, so it doesn`t hurt as much if I fail. Cecilia
poster:Cecilia
thread:25136
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020531/msgs/25281.html