Posted by aLII on June 4, 2002, at 4:15:26
....undoing.
Where else can one fall apart so honestly. Truly expose one's inner pain. Allow others to see that the masks are too hard to keep up.
I fooled so many for so long.....now that I am working on me and trying to keep that as main goal I find myself feeling more and more undone.
Pills pills pills pills. Yoga, exercise, good eats, etc........none of these things even crack surface of self hatred/darkness when it is like boa constrictor tightening in for the kill.
Benzos. I need to talk to acu. and pdoc in next week to get meds together for travels.....I have anxiety over this......trip I've made many times before and to place I know well but suddenly I am freaking out about it and have been using the dang benzos throughout the days some days just to get through......otherwise I would revert to old cm's that aren't helpful but instead rather harmful.
Craziness spewing from mind plunging into darkness.
aLII
poster:aLII
thread:25026
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020531/msgs/25026.html