Posted by alii on May 27, 2002, at 13:36:05
In reply to Can anybody see me???, posted by Angel Girl on May 26, 2002, at 15:33:19
> I feel so invisible, here and everywhere else. I've been contemplating the desire to continue my existence all weekend, crying, and watching life go on without me. I don't fit in anywhere. I don't have anything to look forward to or even a reason to get well. Y'all are friends here and know each other so well, I don't know anybody, I'm a newbie outsider. My other friends have left me, I'm all alone, they carry on and have fun like I never even existed. And maybe I don't, maybe I shouldn't. Who would even know if I'm gone anyway. Nobody talks to me. I'm tired of being alone and crying. I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted. I'm tired of being.
> Angel GirlAngel Girl,
"Y'all are friends here?" C'mon...that is just stinkin' thinkin' hon. The reason that some posters appear to know one another well is that some (a few to my knowledge) share e-mails, chat time, and even phone calls in addition to posting to these boards. I have general tendencies to believe certain posters are certain ways based on having read their styles for years. But that is just my perception and at times I am one wacked out person!
Angel, I haven't been reading all the posts on all the boards due to having just gone through a personal mind fender bender (blender?) so I am taking a guess here that your recent dx of BPD is one of the main reasons for your recent glut of up/down down down emotions.
I appreciate your posting so much of your story here. As I do not know much about BPD I can't offer much support in that arena but I can keep my ears and eyes open here on psb.
Have you considered joining messenger or pb open? I have only belonged to both for the past month and can say with certainty that the connections I have had through those mediums have kept me from using previous harmful coping mechanisms during times of high stress.
I can relate to your being tired of crying. I feel as though I have been crying for years due to my disease (major depression with recent --past two years-- ptsd symptoms) but I haven't connected a lot of those tears to the inner stuff going on. It's as if I have been spinning my own wheels when my med mix ain't right....but when it is I can devote my energy to getting into my inner stuff and work out my past crud. But this is just me....I have major traumas in the past that are largely unhealed and perhaps larger contributors to my depression that I would like to acknowledge.
You are not unloved nor unwanted. As for tired of being....you have every right to be.....sounds as if life has been crappy for ya lately. No sleep has a way of making any bad/low mood worse.
Please continue to post here if you are able as I do care, do want to hear from you, and quite frankly love ya. I love that you have the courage to post here and seek support.
Giving you what support I can through this wild world of web,
--Alii
poster:alii
thread:24670
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020523/msgs/24729.html