Posted by Gracie2 on May 26, 2002, at 18:34:45
In reply to Re: Do the right thing?-Terra and Beardy, posted by Dinah1 on May 24, 2002, at 17:16:41
I know exactly how you feel because I am going through the same medication issues myself. I am being treated for bipolar disorder with Seroquel, an anti-psychotic that is so effective I have sung its praises many times on PB. Because of this drug I am much less moody, less anxious and, for the first time in my life, I actually sleep at night on a regular basis. It also has much less of an "emotional blunting" effect than Depakote, which nearly turned me into a zombie.
However, it's also been pretty effective at wiping out the creative part of me, which used to be quite a big part. I was an artist, in the good-amateur class, and sometimes I wander around the house and look at my paintings, which I always created in "manic" phase, drinking bottles of wine and going nearly without sleep for a week or two, all while working full-time. Afterwards, of course,I would crash and burn, sleeping almost constantly until the next manic phase. If I wasn't painting I would go on a "cleaning binge",
waxing the floors by hand, polishing woodwork and rearranging furniture until the wee hours.
Now that part of me is gone. Even though I work only part-time now, I don't get nearly as much done as I used to, and I'm often tired. I don't paint, my floors aren't waxed anymore, and I've put on weight from the non-activity.
Is it worth it? I know I was killing myself - drinking too much, not eating right, not sleeping.
I was burning my candle at both ends, but - oh, the brilliant light.
My husband says I am much easier to live with these days,and sleeping at night with the rest of the world still seems like a treat. But, damn, I feel so ordinary now.
Just wanted to let you know I understand how you feel.
-Gracie
poster:Gracie2
thread:24490
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020523/msgs/24679.html