Posted by beardedlady on May 25, 2002, at 6:35:28
In reply to Tired of it all..., posted by Angel Girl on May 24, 2002, at 23:08:21
My old self was pretty amazing. I gave poetry readings, sang in a punk rock band, got out in front of people, flew on airplanes, wasn't afraid of nuttin'!
When my husband walks in the room, I am startled. When I think of flying, I feel ill. My sister wants me to sing with her for my parents' birthday party on a boat, and I'm afraid of being on the boat (another story) AND singing in front of people.
I would take a pill for this, I think. But I couldn't live with the side effects. Life does suck sometimes, especially when you compare yourself to other people.
But just so you know, those people out there who look like they're having fun? They're scared, too. We all have something--a poor body image, an inferiority complex, depression, anxiety--something. It just manifests itself differently.
I'm one of them. I go out and have fun. I enjoy myself at parties. But inside myself, I am often miserable, doing the "why mes" and the "where's my old life?" and I know it's futile.
Doc says we can get our old lives back if we begin to do the things we used to do. To some extent, this has worked for me. Can you make a list of the things you used to do in your old life? Or do they simply involve friends you no longer have?
If the latter's the case, well, maybe you can write people a letter? Say you were sorry you've been off, and you'd like their help getting back on? (I have done this, and I have regained some of the friends I lost during my periods of hypochondria and actual illness.)
Anyway, I was just saying this to my husband--about wanting my old life back. But some of it doesn't come back. My friends, for example, just one girlfriend to go with me to Lake Powell for a week and lie there and read, doesn't exist. They all have kids or jobs or some other responsibility they can't get out of.
Life changes. Sometimes we have to find new things to do to bring the old self back.
I'm sorry if this wasn't helpful. But most of us are in the same boat.
beardy : )>
poster:beardedlady
thread:24544
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020523/msgs/24553.html