Posted by Kar on May 3, 2002, at 20:27:42
In reply to Undervalueing myself as a romantic partner--help!, posted by Roo on May 3, 2002, at 14:32:13
Roo-
>even though the facts are he shows no signs of thatYou said it all here; stick to the facts, not the feelings and perceptions. Depression (you know this) colors everything and you are obviously worth him sticking around because he's still there after 4 months. I'm engaged and I live with my fiance. I haven't been able to work in months. "Undervalue" is a good term and very telling, I think. You seem to know that the insecurity and depression are affecting your outlook. What to do about it? I, like Manda, wish I could help but I'm in the same boat. Something my fiance has mentioned is that even when I'm down I make an effort. You obviously do too, because it doesn't sound like you're shutting him out. Going to lunch with him, talking to him, spending time- these are all things that you do for him too. What else is good about you? I bet if you try really hard you'll find there's a lot. Think of things- good solid concrete things that you've done lately.
>I don't like that about myself.
But it's part of the illness, and when you feel better, this won't so much be the case, right?>I guess I'm feeling the need for some sympathy and comfort.
I have found that the more depressed= more unloveable= more critical and obsessive about my role in the relationship. I know that, but can't help it when I'm down. My therapist just told me, "You are loveable!" the other day! And it's all blah blah blah. No one can change the way you feel...that'll happen when you're better.
It IS a miserable feeling, and your words hit home with me. It probably is best (you're right) that your boyfriend doesn't "play into" your insecurities...you said it- nothing he says will change how you feel. Stick to what he does and what you do for him.
I'm with ya,
Kar
poster:Kar
thread:23057
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020430/msgs/23068.html