Posted by sid on May 2, 2002, at 14:47:31
In reply to How do you have a career when yr depressed?, posted by Automated Lady on May 2, 2002, at 14:00:51
Well Al, I could have written what you wrote!
I also invested a lot and will be looking for a job next fall/winter. I want to be in academics, which I am in, although not in a stable way - on soft money, hired as a research profesional and lecturer. Truth is, I'm teaching 3 grad classes a year, directing some students and doing research. Is it hard? Yes. I just started taking Effexor XR after years of fighting depression w/o ADs because it was still so much effort just to stay well. Plus I still had long-standing dysthymia.
I've decided to try for another year or two. If I still don't have a more stable job and if it's not pleasant anymore, then I'll stop and do something else. My self-confidence has been greatly eroded by depression and that's the one thing that's the most detrimental to me still. I've had failures which I never would have had before, and I now greatly apprehend stressful situations because I don't want the taste of failure in my mouth again. I lost control over myself (over my brain), and it felt horrible. I'm still afraid of that happening at any time.
Anyway, my point is, I understand what you're going through because I'm going through the same thing. Also, I am still trying, not because I invested so much, but because it is still my dream. The investment is a thing of the past - whether you continue on the same path or not, the past can't be changed. The important thing is that you be well in the future. If your priorities have changed, if your tastes have changed, then perhaps you should change your aspirations. Mind you, I'm still trying for an academic career, but not as great as I used to hope for. I've come to realize certain things over time, and even if I could be a great scholar, I prefer to be a good one, but also to have a life. I've always liked to do many things, and I can't think of devoting 24/7 to a job. 50/5 will be plenty for the first years, then 40/5 once I get tenure.
What is your dream NOW? Go for that. And have a fallback plan, just in case. If you decide to go for the great career, talk to your doc or therapist about it, they can help. If you're anxious, you can get meds for that (I'm on Effexor XR for anxiety too).
Good luck - you're not alone!
- sid
> Hi everyone... I hope someone can give me some advice.
>
> The career I want, which I've wanted since I was a kid, involves lots of self-motivation, confidence and creativity. I used to have that. Then I got depressed. I've struggled through my undergrad and postgrad courses and I'm now supposed to be looking for jobs in my chosen career. I'm terrified, because I don't think i can do it. Although some days I have whatI need, and I can get up and go out and get stuff done and talk to people, others I just can't. I don't know what to do. Should I just accept I can't do this job and try and do something else that'll be less difficult? (but I've invested so much time and money!) Are there people out there who hold down demanding jobs while suffering from mental illness? HELP!
>
> AL
poster:sid
thread:22996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020430/msgs/23003.html