Posted by trouble on April 23, 2002, at 0:28:56
Right.
Does anyone agree that this is the nature of the problem? Please? Nothing stopped, I mean NOTHING, man, not for five minutes, not in my world.Your posts helped me to manage, I was way too alone, but your words pulled me up. Thank you.
I don't think I am capable of returning the favor, it's just not in me and I can't give what I don't have, don't have, but need, like oxygen, looks like we gotta few bugs in the system, ha-ha, uh-oh.
I've alluded before to these lifelong problems w/ Almighty god, and now they're worse than ever, and I've finally concluded that He is insane.
I believe in the virtue of the mentally ill, believe it far surpasses that of the the unidentified patients we label as sane, so me sayin God's mentally ill is the most decent thing I can come up w/ right now. Of course it's crushing to think the One calling the shots up there is as mixed up as His offspring, but that makes sense too, doesn't it--we were made in His image, so be it.
All the anger is gone now, I just feel sad, disappointed, useless, relieved, finally knowing it's pointless to hold Him accountable.
I spent 4 hours crying in church, didn't tell no one about my problems w/ God, they all seem to believe He is interested, and it's not my deal to burst nice people's bubbles.
I didn't mention Stacey by name, didn't say much at all, and when I did speech was all jumbled up and awful, awful irritable, disconnected.
I hate talking like that. But what could I do, them asking me how I'm doing and at first I look the person straight in the eye and shake my head no, very clear warning.
But they persist, proble one tiny little bit and then all this messed up verbiage spews out and no one knows what it's about or when it is done, including me.
I kept waiting for someone to show me the door.Instead I was given hugs, a video about grief, no questions asked, and, this will kill you, cookies. So they must be on the right track, home made cookies, yummy, sweet, cute, unthreatening, make me feel good, eat 'em up, don't think twice, it's all right.
How unutterably fitting.
trouble
poster:trouble
thread:22470
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020422/msgs/22470.html