Posted by IsoM on March 11, 2002, at 15:09:22
In reply to what now?, posted by sid on March 11, 2002, at 13:56:19
Yes, sid, very similar feelings, except I'm 52. Where do I go - no longer have a husband (which I'm glad for), no real career, just a job & part-time at that? If I think of the future too much, I get discouraged. I do think it'll turn out well - I've always pulled through before & made sensible decisions on the whole, so thinking too long-term isn't really good for me as things can change so rapidly & in ways I never would antcipate. At least, my student loans repayments are managable.
I think I've come down to preferring the simple life. Food doesn't taste better if I'm eating off mismatched second-hand dishes than fine china. Old furniture, if clean, is just as comfortable as new. Plants, shells, & books along with secondhand store ornaments make for a nice, comfy decor. I don't need to see movies - most are special effects anyway & will soon be on video if I want them. Friends will lend me theirs anyway. Nice restaurants? I cook better than most & I know I won't get food-poisoning. Holidays? My own comfy bed & my backyard retreat are enough along with day-trips to parks & museums. Excitment? I'd rather sit down & talk with a few close friends, drinking wine & sharing stories & laughter.
I think the desire for a heart-mate & family can be pretty strong though. I *really* do miss close touch & contact - the spark that lights up when you make eye contact & both of you are thinking the same thing. My cats & friends get hugged a lot by me. That is the hardest loss for me, but then my ex- never touched me except for sex for most of our years together. I never did get much from him.
Perhaps you need to talk about your aspirations with someone you trust who can serve as a devil's advocate for every possible choice you might make for your future. Someone to really feel out the different paths to take to enable you to find what you may truly want & not just desire.
poster:IsoM
thread:19640
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020305/msgs/19644.html