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i'm scared, he's really sick

Posted by creature on February 1, 2002, at 0:19:41

this is awful and awful selfish of me

Rick, significant other, ... had a bone biopsy and tons of blood work done yesterday...I'm scared...I'm sure he is too

today he had a blood transfusion, 3 units took 7 hours!.... looking like it's either leukemia or anapestic anemia, not good either way

I had really been ragging on him to see his dr....he's been having tons of nose bleeds that last 4 hours or more, extremely fatigued, and had 30 lbs in the last 2 months... his last nose bleed lasted 13 hrs. he wouldn't call his dr., so I did....dr. said you need to see an eye, ear, and nose specialist and let's do some blood work...the dr. himself calls Rick back, tells him something's really work (doesn't bother to explain more!) says he has to have a bone biopsy and see a Hematologist right away

so here we are....I told Rick ya gotta let me know what you need; mothering, left alone, just have me as company...he agreed
saw him right after the biopsy, went to give him a hug, Rick say's don't, I'll lose it if you go all lovey on me....so I'm playing it easy, tell him we'll deal with it as it comes

the selfish part, it's awful.............i don't know if I have the strength

still caretaking for my Mom (3 yrs now), drive her around every day, handle all 5 of her doctors appts for and medical tests, clean her house

plus I'm trying to get my medical crap taken care of; was supposed to have a MRI in the morning has to cancel, Rick's stuff is more of an emergency....and I just started a new program, not therapy but called psychiatric rehabilitation treatment program...it's 30 miles away
and when I do start with me new T, she 45 miles away
don't know how can and help Rick, mostly his treatment will be done at a Hosp. 70 miles away....my T and the program I'm supposed to start all in the opposite direction

how do I do all this...take of my Mom, help Rick, all my crap...plus we'll be moving

I'm without a therapist right now and my ICM (intensive case manager) is on vacation...no Pdoc either...not good, not good at all

how damn selfish can one person be

lynn


They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin,


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