Posted by finelinebob on January 25, 2002, at 9:04:34
In reply to good v. bad, posted by ELA on January 25, 2002, at 4:13:25
One of the hardest things for anyone to accept about being depressed is that there may be nothing "rational" about how you feel -- you can't necessarily pick out what you have done that could "cause" you to feel the way you do or act the way you do. For people who aren't depressed, this "irrationality" can make understanding what we're going through impossible to grasp.
As for cutting -- if you haven't heard about it before, a lot of people engage in self-injurious behaviors. Cutting is probably the most common form of it. If you can stop yourself now, even if it means getting rid of anything sharp from your home, do it. As for why people do this ... I don't know if there is any consensus and I'm sure you can get a number of opinions here.
I don't cut, but I've got my own way of hurting myself. I think I do it for control. Because I'm the one doing it, I think I'm in control of the pain -- and that makes me forget the pains I can't control. It doesn't matter that the control is an illusion ... I don't make any conscious decision to do it and once I start, I can't necessarily stop even if I realize what I'm doing. It's not a rational thing to do. Sometimes it just feels good to hurt -- it's not a rational thing to feel.
From what you've been writing, I know **I** would feel completely out-of-control of what was happening to me.
All the more reason to take a step back and take a leave from school if you can. You don't need people pushing you into what you don't want to do.
be well,
flb
poster:finelinebob
thread:17188
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020125/msgs/17192.html