Posted by Cam W. on December 30, 2001, at 7:30:56
In reply to You are 100% a Canadian man! (nm) » Cam W., posted by Willow on December 29, 2001, at 22:33:23
Willow - That's 100% Western Canadian man. You know, handmade gunrack (broken lock) in my 2-tone (blue and ripped Mac-Tac™ woodgrain strip) pick-up (a standard, with 3 on the tree), with a front winch, bent and scratched box containing a 50 gallon drum full of extra gasoline (just in case). I decorated it with a"Calvin peeing on a Ford symbol" sticker on the back window, but it came with the "Ralph For Mayor" bumper sticker when I bought it. My truck is better than Garf's 'cause I got both a block heater AND a battery heater (I run a multiplug extension cord from a hole in the window of the spare bedroom (okay, closet) to the driveway. I have also rigged a holder for a soup can under the dash to spit my tobacco in (it's only half full now; some spilt out when I hit that porcupine that got in my way last week).
I dress in an oversized, stained plaid flannel shirt with those inevitable pinhole burns down the front, sleeves rolled up, and pockets big enough for a couple of packs of smokes (25/pack Export Plains so it doesn't matter which end you light; not those wimpy 20/pack kind); a "Tax This Brian" lighter (with middle finger extended); an all black 35mm plastic film canister with snap-on lid; a package of Zig Zag Blue papers; and a Plen-T-Pak of Clorets gum.
I have 2 pairs worn-through faded Wrangler jeans with a Skoal ring mark on one back pocket and an oversized wallet on a chain in the other (with 3-sided zipper). The chain is attached to my natural color leather belt (with my name carved inbetween hand-tooled cow skulls, and a large round aluminum buckle that says, "I Survived the 1982 Beer Strike").
I have 3 pairs (one for each week of the month) of new blue jockey underwear (Fruit of the Loom), so the ripped out crotch of my Wranglers isn't as noticeable (and so Edna - the waitress at the truck stop - will let me sit in the coffee shop again).
I have 2 pairs of socks; the thick woolen grey winter ones, with white toes and heels (well, they were white when I bought them). I wear them year round because it makes my rolled-down rubber boots (with red trim) stay on my feet better. When I don't wear socks my boots flop too much, and when my feet sweat without socks, it gets all squishy inside.
I complete my ensemble with a faded black oilfield equipment company-labelled (CAT - in gold embroidery) ballcap. The brim is molded just so, and it has an adjustable plastic strip in the back, so that I am able to fit a touque underneath, in the winter. Last summer (or was it the summer before?), Alf - from the feedlot - said he was going to bring me a new hat, but he never did.
Willow, ya gotta come out to visit me so I can show Edna that I really do have a girlfriend that doesn't charge me $4.99 a minute to talk to her. You don't have to really be my girlfriend, just tell Edna and the boys that you are. 'Kay, huh? Oh, just so you know; we met at the anti-gunlaw rally in Ottawa a couple of years ago. 'Kay, huh? (I really stayed at my gramma's in Delburne that week - you heard about that thing with grampa and that trampy Lozinski girl from the IGA, huh? It's okay, now).
See, a real 100% Western Canadian man. - Cam
poster:Cam W.
thread:16014
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/16039.html