Posted by leh on December 27, 2001, at 2:24:59
I've experienced depression for as long as I can remember. Winters and losses are especially difficult. I've experienced 3 major 6-months-in-bed depressions and usually feel very low during the winter months. I have taken antidepressants on and off for about 6 years, off only mainly due to finances.
My son was diagnosed BP a few years ago and recently I have begun to wonder about my history. I move a lot: 9 different homes in 10 years; change work frequently: 5 different lines of work in the past 10 years; relationships with anyone, while intense, last maybe 2-3 years tops; I have little or no control with money: credit is out of the question. Education is incomplete.
Watching my son go through manic episodes, I know that I have never been full blown manic. Yet there are consistent periods of time that I am creatively energized. September October, for one. Most of the time I try to do things that are short-lived, as I'll either lose interest in them or find I have to wait until I'm in the mood to do them. And the mood doesn't ever last too long.
I know that my history appears pretty manic, although my personality is not. I have read generalized descriptions about cyclothymic temperament, which does seem to fit, but cannot locate personal experience writing. I mean, I'd like to know more about living with cyclothymia, how it manifests in your life, how you experience it, how you deal with restlessness, if you have goals and how you set and achieve them.
I rarely even notice depression setting in and have to see unwashed dishes or ask myself when was the last time I washed my hair. These are the initial tipoffs for me. My friends notice other things, like isolation and withdrawal. But I have no clue how to identify a cyclothymic-style mania and, frankly, I've always considered my energetic periods to be my normal times. But I get in over my head with things, overcommit myself, take on huge projects, am financially ridiculous, and don't even see it coming.
If you have any experience you can share with me, I'd be really grateful. While I don't really want to get into a medication discussion, I do wonder how meds affect you, what they do to your energy level and/or focus, how and if they've helped and in what ways.
Thank you so much.
poster:leh
thread:15940
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/15940.html